I Don’t Care About Your Job.

“What do you do?” It’s a question we’ve all been asked and been guilty of asking when having idle talks with strangers. I cringe a little inside when people ask me that question, and cringe much worse when I ask it. And of course, what we’re really saying is I can’t think of any other way to get to get to know you, and it’s easier to make a sweeping generalization about who you are based on your job, rather than having a creative, meaningful conversation. And also, how much money do you make?

Nobody likes this question. Even if you love the shit out of your job, which I do. As much as I find my job exciting, the job itself says almost nothing about my identity. Sure, if you tell someone that you’re a marketing associate, it might indicate that you’re somewhat creative. But does it tell someone that you’re creative AND you want to start your own company? Or that you’re creative AND you have an obsession with monkeys? No. Of course not. Unless you’re at a professional networking event, there’s almost no upside to talking about your job. It is simultaneously a conversation starter and a conversation killer.

Having lived in the DC area for the last 18 years, I found that people here ask each other “what do you do?” more often than anywhere else in the country. The question rarely comes up when I’m traveling to other cities, and has never come up while traveling abroad. It’s an epidemic, an antiquated link between occupation and identity. And I get that people usually come to DC, chasing their dream job and want everybody to know that they’re working in the office of Senator So-and-So. And I’m glad. But if that’s all that defines you (highly unlikely), then I don’t want to know you until you get more interesting.

This has to stop, and it starts with you. So here’s a suggestion: next time you meet someone new, think about what’s important to you about connecting with or befriending someone? Get creative. Ask them not what they do for a living, but what they would do if they had a million dollars? How they would prepare for a nuclear holocaust? What three items are on their bucket list? What’s one thing you should check out when visiting their hometown? And then maybe, just maybe, after a while, you can ask this super interesting person, what they actually do for a living. You might be surprised by the answer.

- Eric Wang
@ericspwang

15 Responses to "I Don’t Care About Your Job."

Suzie Robb says:

07/23/2012 at 11:14 am

I legitimately hate when people ask me that because it leads to six billion questions about working out and either asking for advice or them bragging about their workout routine. Kind of funny because this conversation probably wouldn’t lead to BBB, which I’d much rather discuss.

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Joe Flood says:

07/23/2012 at 11:20 am

People ask, “What do you do?” so that they can tell you that they are the Assistant Director to Congressman Neverheardofhim.

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1. Eric Wang says:
  
  07/23/2012 at 11:26 am
  
  Haha. A lot of times that’s true. I’ve played this game when people ask me, I tell them what I do very briefly, but I don’t ask them back. It’s fun to watch the reaction, as they wait for you to ask, and then they blurt out something like, “Well, I work for [insert big corporation/politician/nonprofit] and [insert elevator speech].”
  
  Or sometimes, I’ll reply with something nonsensical: “I get freaky” or “I drink too much on weekends” or “I wash behind my ears.”
  
  Reply
Adam says:

07/23/2012 at 11:28 am

As much as I dislike the generalized question, it’s valid. When I ask what somebody does for a living it’s not about how much they make, it’s to open more doors. Are you someone who is doing what you want, or are you just going through the motions? What DO you want to be doing? WHY do you do it?

If somebody asks what I do, it actually leads to great conversation such as my own blog (cc: Suzie) and goals that I have.

Perhaps the question doesn’t need to change as much as the intention behind it.

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1. Eric Wang says:
  
  07/23/2012 at 11:35 am
  
  Agreed. I think that’s something I didn’t quite convey in my post: The intention is what bothers me the most; and that intent is to equate someone’s occupation as their identity, because it’s easier than asking about their aspirations or actually getting to know them.
  
  Reply
2. Eric Wang says:
  
  07/23/2012 at 12:02 pm
  
  There was a comment on Twitter that said to ask instead, “What are you interested in?” Which I think would get right to the point of your intentions.
  
  Reply
  1. Adam says:
    
    07/23/2012 at 12:51 pm
    
    I agree, but to go further, isn’t one’s occupation PART of their identity?
    A bartender is obviously not all that I am, but it’s certainly a very large part of it.
    
    Reply
    1. Eric Wang says:
      
      07/23/2012 at 1:03 pm
      
      True. That’s why we have last names like Carpenter, Smith and Huntsman. But think of it this way: Are you a bartender because of who you are (outgoing, aspiring writer, blogger, friendly, etc.), or are you who you are because you’re a bartender?
      
      You’re one of the lucky ones where your profession describes you; however, you were who you were before you took up that profession. For most people there’s a big disconnect, especially, when you’re a corporate monkey like me. My choice in profession doesn’t really describe me, and who I am gives little clue to my profession.
      
      Reply
Chris says:

07/23/2012 at 11:50 am

I always lie just to see the person judge me for being a “janitor”. If they say ‘cool’, I know they are a good person (or at least have met a cool janitor once in their life). If they say ‘oh’ I know to run for the hills.

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1. Eric Wang says:
  
  07/23/2012 at 12:01 pm
  
  Nice. I like that. I guess I can start telling people that I spread social propaganda on a blog. Which is pretty much true but could lead to some interesting reactions.
  
  Reply
2. ardosi says:
  
  07/23/2012 at 3:11 pm
  
  Wow, I do the same thing. I always reply “janitor” and try to look very serious. They rarely buy it, but I just laugh and say “well it feels like I am, because I’m always cleaning up or trying to avoid messes” and then try to move the conversation onto a topic that isn’t completely meaningless… at which point 60% of people in DC are either done with the ‘conversation’ or glue themselves to you, depending on how “important” they assess that you are when you deftly evade their question.
  
  This is assuming they even catch on as about 40% instead start talking about their job, which was their goal all along, and don’t even notice you didn’t answer their question. I enjoy playing the “how much business sensitive information will you reveal to a stranger” game with those people. The prize? A solid head shake from me as I walk away trying to forget their sales figures, donor prospects, details about HR actions or whatever else they disclose during the course of their bragging.
  
  Reply
I says:

07/23/2012 at 7:38 pm

whenever someone asks me what I do for a living I answer “I breathe”
no really.. no.. really.. that is what i do for a living.. next topic

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Patrick says:

07/24/2012 at 5:51 pm

I simply tell them I drink bourbon and preach the bourbon gospel. They either get it and a good conversation ensues or they look at me like I’m crazy and walk away. I’m perfectly good with either outcome. Of course I prefer the extend bourbon conversation version.

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Marty says:

08/16/2012 at 12:34 pm

I couldn’t agree more. This inevitable question is such a drag. People are always so shocked to learn, yes, there really are baby kangaroos wandering DC… yes, they really do need rescuing on a daily basis, help down from trees, hopping around lost in metro stations, etc and it’s like why can’t I leave work at the office jeez. I’m here to have fun, not talk about how I pay my bills.

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Three Lives of Washingtonians says:

03/05/2013 at 9:08 pm

[...] living in DC has at least three distinct identities. I’ve lamented about how people here love talking about their jobs, making a bore out of themselves and your happy hour. So this may seem like a direct contradiction [...]

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