My Friends Are Ruining My Sex Life.
“No, it’s because of your friends.”
I’ve always had male friends. I relate to them better than I relate to women for reasons that I can’t be bothered to explain. If you see me in a bar, I’m probably going to be surrounded by 4-5 guys at all times, not because one of them is hitting on me (in fact they’d probably prefer to never EVER see me naked) but because they’re my friends. If I throw a party, it’s reasonable to assume that the guest list will be 80% male.
The first major issue with this is that I can’t meet men that actually want to date me because I’m constantly around men that want to do Irish Car Bombs and high five me. On the rare occasion that I actually am hit on in a bar, my friends immediately sabotage the situation. They either accept the guy as one of their own and end up buying him drinks and stealing away the attention or they publicly berate him until he moves on to a girl in a shorter dress drinking something pink. Long ago I accepted that I will never hear the words “Can I buy you a drink?” and have the situation end with making out in a dark corner of the bar.
The second problem is that when a man does date me, he has to date my friends as well. When I start dating someone, whom I obviously don’t meet in a bar, they get me, and only me, for the first 3-4 dates. They get to know me in a dress, drinking moderately, flirting, and being, well…a girl. After an appropriate amount of time, they meet my friends. That’s about the time things goes south. My friends size him up. They judge him based on his attire, drink of choice, level of intelligence and whether he’s a democrat or republican. They decide if he’s good enough for me. 9 times out of 10, he isn’t. If I really like the guy, I keep him around anyway. I put him to the test. Can he stay out until last call with my friends? Can he handle that they’re probably going to order bourbon with breakfast? Can he deal with the fact that my phone is constantly lighting up with text messages and phone calls from other men? Will he get upset when they playfully make fun of him? For a while it works, until it doesn’t. Ultimately, either I decide I’d rather hang out with my friends than him or he decides that he can’t deal with the fact that I’m constantly surrounded by other men and bails.
It never works out.
I’m not complaining about this. I choose to hang out with the boys. I choose my friends because they’re my family. They’re the ones that have been there for me no matter what. Whether it’s 2am and I need a ride home (which literally happened last night, thank you Steve!) or I want to go on an impromptu road trip or get kicked out of a bar or just need someone to talk to. They’re there for me without question or judgment. They love me unconditionally and it’s the best relationship I’ll ever have, even if it means I probably will never get laid again.
- Suzie Robb
@suzierobb