How to Define Your Relationship.

Meet Tiffany. She has been running sassymarmalade.com for two years now, but has been playing, dating, drinking, and dancing in the city for even longer. She believes that a good pair of shoes can make your day and a great pair can make your life. Check out her blog and enjoy the post below!

This post is part rant, part helpful guide that I know most people won’t use. Regardless, it needs to be said. I’m tired of girls acting crazy. All the time, I see women refer to a guy as their “ex” when all they did was get drinks with him one time and then respond favorably to his booty texts for the next three months. So I thought I’d attempt to help everyone out a little. Here’s a little guide for defining what type of “relationship” you’re actually in.

Dating.

You should not say that you are “dating” someone unless you have been on at least two dates. The first date barely counts, anyway, since it’s usually just drinks to make sure he doesn’t drool when he speaks. Once you both decide you like each other enough to go out a second time, you can say you’re dating him.

Until then: Just someone you went on a date with once. If they never ask you out on a second date, they are most certainly not your ex.

Friends (with benefits).

If that first date turned into a makeout session and instead of taking you to dinner next time, the guy just texts you at 11 pm on Saturday night to find out if you’re at the same bar or nearby in Clarendon, you’re not dating. If you meet up with him and continue this pattern, you’re still not dating. You’re not “seeing each other” either. He’s your friend with benefits.

And later: When the late-night texts stop coming in or he stops replying when you text him, he’s not your ex. He’s just some guy you used to hook up with.

Dating Exclusively.

So you’ve been on several real dates. He takes you to dinner or to brunch or to Eastern Market on the weekends. You’re dating until one of you initiates the talk to find out if you’re only seeing each other. Until that conversation happens, or there is some clear indication that you are seeing each other and no one else, do not assume that you are dating exclusively. Never assume.

Until then: Still just dating.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

I think there’s a blurry line between dating exclusively and boyfriend/girlfriend. At the time of the talk, you might go so far as to completely DTR (Define The Relationship) and he might say something cute like, “ok good, so I’m going to start calling you my girlfriend now.” But until he says that word out loud — or you say “boyfriend” out loud to him and he doesn’t object — you’re not quite at this stage yet.

Once that label is used: I think you’re free to call this person your ex if/when it ends. If you never had the DTR though, that person is not your ex. There is no ex to something that never actually was.

Fiance.

I feel like you’re all probably saying, “this one is too obvious, why is she including it?” If you are, pat yourself on the back for being normal. If, instead, you find yourself arguing with what I’m about to say, you’re the kind of person I’m writing this for. Crazy girls who call their boyfriends their fiances just because they had a conversation once about what it would be like if they got married. Unless he actually proposed marriage and followed it up by putting a ring on your finger or announcing to all your friends and family that you are engaged … you’re not.

But hey, good news: calling someone your fiance before they actually are is a great way to scare them off, and you definitely get to call them your ex when they dump you for that crazy shit.

- Tiffany
@sassymarmalade