Remove their phone number from your cellphone.
Let’s be honest, after your breakup, you are probably going to go on a bit of a bender. Your friends are going to want to soothe your pain by shoving alcohol down your gullet. Your girlfriends are going to say “oh my god, like seriously, he’s a dick anyway” while simultaneously filling up your glass of wine for the third time. All of this booze will make you want to do one thing: call your ex hammered at 1 AM to tell him what a huge mistake you made. There will be tears. There may even be vomit. Avoid the embarrassment completely by taking that name out of your phone the instant the words “this isn’t working” come out of your mouth.
Unfollow and unrfiend on all forms of social media.
I know that Brett Hannons disagrees with this, but he is stupid. You MUST be sure to do this step. Why? Because of a little thing called I-Have-Nothing-To-Do-So-I’ll-Facebook-Stalk-Every-Guy-I-Ever-Dated-For-The-Next-Two-Hours. You have no self control post-breakup. You do things that you normally wouldn’t do. You will go to that little white search bar and type in the name of your ex. What will appear before your eyes is all the information you are no longer privy to now that you’re broken up. Oh, look, he checked in at your favorite bar and tagged that girl you always were sort of jealous of. Why is he getting drinks with her? And why did he Instagram a photo of two wine glasses? Is he seeing someone new? Why did he check in at the gym so many times? He never went to the gym while you were dating. Should you message him? Should you like the photo of his dog? It’s a really cute photo of his dog. Who is that girl in all the photos with him? Do yourself a favor and remove all connections. You are driving yourself, and all of your friends, insane with your constant questions and theories.
Avoid all physical interaction.
This part is hard, especially if you all have the same friends in common, but it is perhaps the most important. Do not see this person at least for the first few weeks. You may think you’re over it and totally capable of playing kickball together, but you aren’t. You’ll see him high five a girl after winning the game and fly into a blind rage wondering why the hell he thinks it’s totally okay to just openly flirt with some other girl right in front of you. If he RSVPs for any birthday parties, group dinners, bar crawls or sporting events, you are just going to have to turn down the invitation. Accept that you need to avoid the ex and all of your mutual friends for a few weeks. Re-watch the entire series of Lost. Start taking daily yoga classes. Whatever. Just don’t go to the happy hour that you know he will be at even if you’ve lost 5 pounds and your hair looks really, really good that day.
Go on a date (or two, or three…)
People always say “Focus on yourself! Get a cat! Take pottery classes! Go hiking!” No. You will end up a crazy hiking cat lady with tons of hideous pots. The only way you’re going to stop obsessing over your ex is by obsessing over someone new. Set up an OkCupid account. Let your friend finally set you up with the nice guy from the gym. Give your number to the cute bartender. Just start letting people buy you drinks, take you on dates, make out with them, who cares. Eventually, you will click with someone and one date will turn into two will turn into a relationship that is so right, it makes you what compelled you to even date your ex in the first place.
There you go, friends. Given enough time, yoga classes, dates and drinks, you will stop wondering about whats-his-face and move on to someone better. Maybe you’ll even meet that someone this Thursday at the greatest happy hour of all time. Shameless self promotion, I know. Just make sure your ex isn’t on the guest list before you RSVP.
- Suzie Robb