Guys. First Dates. You’re Doing Them Wrong.

Yesterday, DC’s most lovable alcoholic sex/dating blogger, Brett Hannons, who runs the blog Meeting Girls on Metro posted a first date guide for men. The issue is Brett is a douchebag that gives terrible advice. He is good at first dates, but that is because he’s hilarious and smart and can carry a conversation. Some might even call him charming. Trust me, even I’ve had drinks with him.

His advice, however, is terrible. He suggests things like showing up late so you don’t seem too eager, having a cigarette before the date and not suggesting a second drink. The issue isn’t just that it’s bad advice, it’s that he’s playing games. Smoke and mirrors isn’t going to be the reason a girl goes on a second date with you.

You can’t Jedi mind trick a girl into dating you. She is either going to like or she isn’t.

If a girl is going on a date with you, she kind of likes you. Or at least she wants to like you. She changed her outfit four times, emailed her three closest girlfriends, called her mom and texted her best friend. There is a small army of females waiting to hear how the date goes. You know that, right? And she had a drink before arriving. She’s nervous. Maybe she hasn’t been on a date in a while. Maybe you’re her third date that week. Regardless, she wants things to go well. She’s rooting for you to not fuck it up.

Don’t fuck it up.

One of the best first dates I ever went on should’ve been a disaster. But it wasn’t simply because I liked him. I liked him even though he showed up 15 minutes late and three drinks deep. I liked him even though he made crude, offensive jokes. I liked him even though he was too skinny and had messy hair and didn’t shave. I liked him even though he made fun of my outfit. Wait, I especially liked him for making fun of my outfit. I liked him enough to sloppily makeout with him on the corner of 11th and U. He was himself. Yes, he was a bit of a douchebag, but at least he was upfront and I knew what I was getting into. (Plus, he was really tall.)

The best dating advice anyone can give is to be yourself. I know, that’s very after-school-special, but it’s true. On top of being yourself, there are a few things you should do. Common courtesy, if you will. Need some actual constructive advice? Fine. Show up on time. Try not to get too drunk. Don’t feel her up. Don’t spend all night talking about yourself. Crack a few jokes. Be honest. Compliment her only if you mean it. Kiss her if you want to. Try not to be an asshole. Don’t say things you don’t mean.

And for the love of God, text her the next day.

- Suzie Robb
@suzierobb

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