I was a shy kid growing up. Meeting and talking to new people were a labor of courage and gumption that was often accompanied by flop-sweat and blushing face.Then some time after college, I became more comfortable in my own skin. I learned to shake hands with the vigor of a Russian bear hunter. I no longer needed lame excuses to strike up a conversation with women, other than “just because.” I could give a work presentation to 50 alphas while sipping coffee like an Italian racecar driver. (OK, that last one, I have no idea what that means.)

And all of these things I developed and honed through years of daring myself to do what made me uncomfortable. I would knowingly place myself in awkward situations because I truly believed that if you don’t know how you would handle yourself in the midst of palpable awkwardness, then you don’t know yourself at all. The confident person that I’ve eventually become is the result of countless small rites of passages that I forced by myself into, and I’m quite proud of that.

But recently, I’ve found that I’ve become lazy, or maybe even regressed to the shy kid that I once was. The reason? Online dating.

I know I’ve raved about online dating, as evidenced in my first post as a BBBer. I still stand by the fact that it is a great supplement to organic dating. To keep you sharp and entertained and confident. Reading that first post now, to me, I sound like this: “Oh, my gosh, guys! Online dating is like the best thing EVER!” Awful. If that post was the first installment of my trilogy to online dating, then this post would be the second installment: The Downfall.

As a single man, I’ve become complacent on how easy it is to meet women online. How effortless it is to “strike up” a conversation and continue it with plenty of time in between each message to ponder witty comments and charming remarks. How nonchalantly you can ask a woman out for coffee and drinks and dinner.

It all feels wrong.

There are two statistics that you will see over and over when people talk about online dating: one out of five relationships and one out of six marriages that have occurred in the last three years all started online. That is an astounding figure, considering that online dating, just less than 10 years ago, was largely considered something only used by social pariahs, widow/ers and spinsters with six-figure incomes.

And I’m happy for those who have found love online. But with each online love connection, we, the single 20- and 30-somethings and maybe even the youth, are seeing online dating as the viable primary mode of interaction with potential romantic interests. It might not seem like a problem now, but in the long-term, we could be gearing ourselves up to a whole generation of men and women who won’t know how to handle themselves in awkward situations. Who won’t recognize that those butterflies in their stomach is a good thing, a great thing. Who won’t know how to think on their feet while trying to be charming and witty and flirty and intelligent, all at the same time.

This isn’t just about dating. It’s about the nature of human interaction as a whole. By “meeting” online first, we’ve eliminated the need for two important aspects of our survival instinct: that initial ability to figure out if someone is a friend or a foe, and the learning that occurs when we rise above what we’re comfortable with.

Maybe I’m overreacting, especially, considering that this whole theory stems from my personal experience as an online dater and the subtle changes that I’ve seen in myself. But as new online dating services and mobile applications are launched on a regular basis, I can’t help but to feel this impending doom: Relying on online interactions to break the ice will eventually make social pariahs out of us all.

- Eric Wang
@ericspwang

Image Credit: http://www.ehow.com/how_8405931_approach-shy-guy.html

When I was young and impressionable, I moved in with my boyfriend. I was 22, he was 25, and we had no idea what we were doing. My life was a Taylor Swift song. We found a cute two bedroom apartment in Suburbia and bought everything we could find in the Ikea showroom. The first year had it’s ups and downs. We signed the lease for a second year and I was uneasy about it. We thought that maybe getting a dog would help. It made things worse. We broke up with six months left on the lease.

We tried to move out. I need to explain this to you. We didn’t want to spend half a year tip-toeing around each other. There was a $3,000 fee, which was two month’s rent, to break the lease. (HIGHWAY ROBBERY, BY THE WAY.) Rather than fork up the cash, we thought it was a smarter financial decision to just ride it out. We decided to become roommates. We were mature adults. We could go from being in a relationship to being roommates, right?

If life resembled Hollywood in any way, the rest of this story would be played by Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl and a series of hilarious, yet misfortunate events would eventually lead to a happy ending. Real life, however, is no chick flick. Now, let me tell you how things actually worked out.

Problem #1: Physical Space.
Have you ever lived in the same neighborhood as an ex and cringed every time you inevitably ran into each other at Trader Joe’s, Starbucks, or the neighborhood bar that was, like, your bar? Yeah. Try that, but in a 900 square foot apartment. I couldn’t even make a snack without awkward small talk about how roasted red pepper hummus is better than garlic hummus.

Problem #2: The Rebound.
To think that we both would remain single and abstinent for the six months that followed our breakup was absolutely ridiculous. I kept my makeout sessions to not-so-common ground, like the couch in my friend’s apartment or the dance floor of Clarendon Grill. (Did I mention I was 23?) He, however, had a new girlfriend within two weeks and she practically moved in. So I shared a two bedroom apartment with a cat, a dog, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. It’s a miracle I made it out alive.

Problem #3: Having the “I Live With My Ex” Talk.
On the one hand, meeting new friends and saying, “So, I live with my ex-boyfriend.” is a great conversation starter. They all react the same. Gasp. “Can I buy you a drink?” and usually, “Oh my god, I’d die, tell me everything.” which meant I got a lot of free drinks and instant best friends. However, going on a date and saying, “So, I live with my ex-boyfriend.” is a quick way to ensure you’ll be going home alone.

Problem #4: Dividing of the Things.
You know how a roommate will move out and take something, like, your favorite spatula? You’re sure it’s a mistake. You shrug it off. You go to Target. Well, when it’s five years of accumulated shit and gifts from both sets of parents, you will fight to the death over who gets the coffee maker, the crock pot and the Williams Sonoma dish towels. There were lots of passive aggressive text messages and “This is MINE” sticky notes.

Eventually, I moved into a new place with roommates that I’ve never slept with. I replaced the Williams Sonoma dish towels. My bitterness faded. I met someone new. It’s not exactly the same as a romantic comedy, and I am no Katherine Heigl, but I do have a good story to tell. And the rights to an $80 coffee maker.

- Suzie Robb
@suzierobb

Did you know that doughnuts are the new cupcakes? No? Well, it’s true. There is no better day than today to give up your Crumbs addiction and replace it will something even more decadent. Today, June 7th, is National Doughnut Day. Yes, we’re serious.

Let’s celebrate.

Dunkin’ Donuts
Are you aware of the new Glazed Donut Sandwich? ARE YOU AWARE OF THIS? You should be. It’s bacon on top of an egg in between two halves of a glazed doughnut. I literally cannot think of a better breakfast.

GBD
If you want to class up your doughnut celebration, head over to GBD (short for Golden Brown and Delicious) in Dupont Circle. Chef Kyle Bailey & Pastry Chef Tiffany MacIsaac are serving up gourmet doughnuts and fried chicken. Options like bourbon butterscotch glazed brioche and grapefruit campari will be sure to put you in a food coma.

Bayou Bakery
If you are looking for deep fried dough topped with a massive mound of powdered sugar, head to Bayou Bakery in Arlington immediately. Their beignets (the doughnut of New Orleans!) come three per order and are the best in town. Pair your beignets with an Abita beer and you’ve got a lunch that covers all the main food groups.

Krispy Kreme
Ahh, the classic Krispy Kreme doughnut. It never fails to please you, right? And on National Doughnut Day, THEY’RE FREE! Whaaaaaaaaat? Yup. And nothing tastes better than a free doughnut, I don’t care what Kate Moss says.

Astro Doughnuts
At this point, you’re just going to have to make it a metro accessible tour of deliciousness and also make a pit stop at Astro Doughnuts & Fried Chicken. We’ve been told it’s not as delicious as GBD. Whatever. It’s worth a visit for flavors like maple bacon and PB & J, amirite?

Now wipe that drool off your desk, take a break from work and head out for a delicious doughnut…or two…or three. I mean, it’s a national holiday, treat yoself!

- Suzie Robb
@suzierobb

I got together with a good friend of BBB, Isaiah Headen, to discuss who the helpless victims of the friend zone are. Isaiah is kind of an expert. His dating experience goes back 10 years with extensive time spent dating in DC, and even some time on OkCupid. As for me? Well, I never really shut up about dating and have done plenty of it. Between the two of us, we were able to break down what kind of men and women end up in the dreaded Friend Zone.

1. The Girl Who Has Serious Relationship Issues and Talks About It. Everyone knows that you are clingy and that you easily get jealous because you openly admit it. Plus, you’re vindictive and you talk about your relationship issues to anyone with ears. It’s so much drama that even the thought of sleeping with you doesn’t sound like fun.

2. The Girl Who Is Like One Of The Guys. You like beer, you actually follow a sports team and you dress like a dude. Also, you have like one real female friend. You are a blast to hang out with and you will always get invited to Monday Night Football. You are basically a kid brother and that’s a friend zone touchdown.

3. The Nice Girl. Just like how Nice Guys finish last, Nice Girls don’t get the corner office. He likes talking to you, he texts you in the daytime and he would even let you babysit his dog. His Mom probably would love you too, but you’re just a nice girl with a nice personality.

4. You’re Not His Type Girl. People have types and they exists for a reason. Maybe he dates Asian girls and you’re white. Maybe he likes yoga girls and you loathe salads. I’m talking about apples and oranges and you are no apple.

5. His Buddy’s Ex-Girlfriend Girl. People date and people break up, but real friends don’t sleep with each others baggage. No matter how cute, smart or funny that baggage may be. Even if he’s got what you need, he just a friend.

And to keep this fair and balanced…

1. The Guy That Refuses to Accept That You Have a Boyfriend. This is a simple concept, but some guys do not understand it. If she wanted to date you, or even just sleep with you, she would. But she isn’t because, you know, she’s in a relationship with someone else. The only way you ever have a chance is if she breaks up with her boyfriend and you take advantage of her vulnerable state after she downs an entire bottle of CVS chardonnay.

2. The Really Nice Guy. So, you’re nice. That’s great! It’s a redeeming quality! But here’s the thing: you should be nice. Everyone should be nice and being nice doesn’t mean you’re automatically showered with sex. You also need, you know, a sense of humor, humility, things in common with the opposite sex, the ability to carry on a conversation, and other basic human characteristics. Those are the things that get you laid. So keep being nice, but you know, try to add a personality to that.

3. The Guy That Is Really, Really Good Looking. So you were blessed with the face of a young George Clooney and the body of Channing Tatum, but the brain of Ryan Lochte. You’ve had it pretty easy your entire life. You were the quarterback on your high school football team and spent most of college sleeping your way through every dorm. And then you grew up and entered a world where women want to sleep with you, but date your slightly less attractive and way more interesting friend. You have potential. Just work less on trying to fuck every girl you meet at the gym and try talking about something other than your ab workout.

4. The Guy That Dated Her Friend. You are officially untouchable once you’ve dated one of our friends. Especially if it was our best friend. Even if you’re a great, nice, interesting, attractive guy. It’s just against Girl Code to date someone who dated one of our friends. There’s no getting past this.

5. The Guy That Won’t Make a Move. Sometimes you meet and there is actually a mutual attraction. But for whatever reason, whether he feels you’re out of his league or he’s just shy, there are some guys that just can’t make a move. And since, as women, we’re taught that men go after what they want, we assume you aren’t pursuing us because, well, you don’t like us. So we do nothing. You do nothing. And this eventually turns into a Taylor Swift song.

- Suzie Robb & Isaiah Headen
@suzierobb @isaiahheaden

Dating in the summer can be a hot, sweaty, drunken disaster. The Corona Light you’re chugging (watch those calories, girrrrrl) goes straight to your head when you’re sweating profusely all afternoon at Cantina Marina. You’re hoping he doesn’t touch you and feel the sweat that’s dripping down your back. He’s praying that he doesn’t have to lift his arms for any reason. You’re both moderately miserable, so you skip ordering a second round and call it a day, heading home to shower and watch reality television in your air conditioned apartments.

No. There is a better way to do this.

Dress the part.

Ladies, sundress and sandals is the way to go. Your sandals can have a heel or wedge if you’re feeling fancy or slutty. Just be comfortable. Nothing is worse than a girl bitching about her feet hurting from walking a mere three blocks. Also, bring a cardigan with you. No one wants to hear you say 17 times, “God, this restaurant is like, freezing! What do they have the AC set at? Like, negative 12 degrees? Oh my god I’m, like, seriously so cold right now.”

Men, your summer wardrobe is SIMPLE! First of all, boat shoes. Flip flops or mandals are not date attire. I don’t care if you’re Ryan Lochte and just got finished setting records for the last 12 hours, do not wear flip flops. Show some respect! Wear khaki shorts. I’m talking the kind you get from J.Crew. NO CARGO SHORTS OR JORTS! What? Are you going to ride your skateboard to the bar? Fucking. Come on. And to finish it off, a button-down, preferably one that fits so go with Hugh & Crye, obvi. They always have plenty on sale so even if you’re a broke as hell from your $1,800 per month studio, you can shell out $60 for a shirt. For evening dates, you can wear jeans. Dark jeans. Faded jeans make you look fat and tacky. Also, show up to the date a solid 10-15 minutes early so that you can chug a glass of ice water, wipe the sweat off any exposed body parts, and hope that your back dries before she gets there.

Pick the right location.

Summer dates are the best because you get to drink outside and usually on ROOFTOPS! Like, so cool, right? You’re on a ROOF. It seems much more luxurious than being stuck inside among the common people. And it’s prime people watching! Ignore the humidity and plan an outdoor date. If you want to go to a popular summer spot, such as the aforementioned Cantina Marina or a rooftop bar, do so on an off-day. Sunday-Wednesday is best. If you are grabbing dinner somewhere, make reservations and request a patio table. OpenTable lets you put in special requests and if you make the reservation by phone, just ask the hostess to make a note that you want to be seated outside. Obviously patios are packed all summer long and if you don’t plan ahead, you’ll being making awkward small talk for 45 minutes while you wait for a table. (Also, it’s not guaranteed they’ll allow for you to reserve outside, so don’t get your panties in a bunch if I’m wrong. Restaurants make up their own rules.)

Active dates are awesome in the summer, but only after the first two dates. No one wants to be stuck in nature with a total stranger, swatting away bees and wishing they were in a Starbucks somewhere. Save the paddleboarding and hiking for the third or fourth date.

Note: If the temp is 90+, do not NOT NOT plan an outdoor date. Stay inside until the sun goes down. She will be much more comfortable and less bitchy and you will seem considerate for choosing air conditioning.

Drink and eat responsibly.

Do you know what happens when you drink in the summer? Well, first of all, you’re probably starting out dehydrated because you’ve already gone on a six miler that morning to keep your beach body in check. Plus, you’re sweating before a drink even hits your mouth. THUS the combination of booze + heat = sweating out all the precious water that saves you from being a hot mess. Drink water. LOTS OF WATER. Each alcoholic bev should be paired with refreshing water. Trust me, the date will go better for both of you.

And food? Eat light. Your body is exhausted from dealing with the heat and the excruciating workout you made yourself do that morning. Adding carbs and fried food will mean your body has to work even harder to keep up with your abuse. You will suddenly find yourself daydreaming about a nap and yawning your face off while your date goes on and on about the really funny thing that his roommate did last weekend. Stick to light dishes, split apps, skip dessert. This will also lighten the tab (you’re welcome) and alleviate next day oh-my-god-I-ate-so-many-tots guilt.

Also, while a summer fling is totes adorbs like you’re starring in your own Nicholas Sparks movie, I say avoid it. Date around. You don’t want to get locked down in a relationship on, say, a Wednesday and meet someone at Dewey on Saturday. It’s the summer. Everything you do will be the most fun thing you’ve ever done. Live it up and live it up right.

- Suzie Robb
@suzierobb

Every straight man I have ever known has at one point in his life tried to get the phone number of, or hook up with, a female bartender. I’m sure if I could jump into a TARDIS and travel to the 1970’s, I would find my own father in a bar somewhere in Taipei hitting on a barmaid, talking about the qualms of transitioning from an autocratic government to a populist authoritarianism, only to go home empty-handed.

In short, very few has succeeded in getting just a phone number, and even fewer has seen positive results after calling/texting. I know of only one who ended up marrying the statistical unicorn, and they now have a baby together. The baby, I’m sure, will end up curing AIDS or inventing a new breakfast snack that trumps Pop-Tarts and Toaster Strudels. Because that baby is the result of a miracle.

As a man, I know fully the struggle of assessing what is appropriate and possible when you’re drunk. We all have a type of bartender that we somehow always end up wanting to impress. Maybe it’s the one who’s a fitness instructor by day and slinging shots of Jameson in short shorts by night while you regale her about your workout routines. Or the one who seems to understand all your problems and knows the remedy, which usually happens to be a pretty smile and a shot of Jameson. Or that mysterious guest bartender that you’re sure is the one who will finally be impressed by the fact that you just bought a round of Patron for all your friends. Regardless of who they are, chances are slim anything will come out of it.

There are three simple reasons for this statistical improbability: First, you’re drunk. Second, she’s working. And third, she’s working AND you’re drunk. If you were a doctor at a clinic that treated only patients with venereal diseases, you probably wouldn’t date any of them. It’s the same for bartenders. Except, swap out venereal diseases with obnoxious drunks. And because since you know where she works, she’s not going to just give her information out to just anybody. You could be a Stage Five Clinger who constantly shows up and sits at the corner of the bar staring at her every night that she works. She won’t risk that just for a moderately handsome guy who told her he liked the way she poured.

Look, I’m not telling you to not hit on a bartender. Well, actually, I kind of am. Maybe there really is a connection and potential between the two of you beyond really good customer service. But how would you really know if one of you is drunk all the time while the other one is working her ass off? Build a rapport instead of hitting on them with liquid courage on your breath and your friends by your side. Bartenders are some of the most confident people I know, especially, when they’re behind the bar. There is a chance that she will let you know if she’s interested. As always, we, at BBB, advocate for tipping your bartender beyond the norm. But tipping well and expecting something in return? Well, that’s just rude and insulting. So don’t do that.

Refrain from hitting on a bartender when you’re drunk. Get to know them as people and not a purveyor of alcohol. And if you’re lucky and well-behaved, you just might get her phone number or be invited to stay after the last call. If you’re not willing to do any of this, then bugger off, there are plenty of other women in the bar you can hit on.

- Eric Wang
@ericspwang

There is only a 50/50 chance you’ll survive the weekend. It’s called Suicide Sunday for a reason. If you do survive, you’ll be a total disaster in the office on Tuesday. Be sure to set Out of Office replies on your work email so you don’t quit your job in a drunken rant at 10am on Saturday. Also, pack the essentials: condoms, sunblock, a handwritten list of your roommate’s and best friend’s phone numbers (for when you lose your phone), enough cash to pay for cabs, and a six pack of VitaminWater.

Take advantage of the fact that your roommates are off getting shitfaced at the beach. The apartment is yours! Throw a party with everyone else stuck in DC! Or embrace solitude and spend 12 straight hours watching a Law & Order: SVU marathon in your underwear. Want to combine the two? Don’t worry, there’s a drinking game for that. Just be sure to hit the pool for 2-3 hours each day so you don’t kick off summer looking like an extra from Twilight.

If you are a guy and you brought her back to your place: Be a gentleman. Cook her breakfast. Don’t have anything on hand? A) You’re stupid and you need to go to Whole Foods. B) Offer to take her out for breakfast. Go somewhere quick in your neighborhood for a croissant and a coffee. If she declines breakfast, don’t insist, let the poor girl go home. Alternatively, if you crashed at her place, still be a gentleman. Ask if she wants to grab a coffee, she’ll turn you down because she wants nothing more than to shower and text her best friend about how you turned out to be so nice that you even offered to take her out for breakfast.

If you are a girl and you brought him back to your place: get him out of there ASAP. Girrrrrrl, you’re hungover, your mascara is EVERYWHERE, and your breath smells like something crawled in your mouth and died. Ditch him, take a shower and grab breakfast with your friends. If you stayed at his place? SAME! Let him make you breakfast or whatever if he is a stand-up dude, but otherwise just move on with your weekend and get to the closest pool STAT.

Step 1: Shower. This will make you feel 10 times more human.
Step 2: Hydrate and caffeinate. Get a red eye (that’s a coffee with a shot of espresso) and a liter of SmartWater. You need 3 parts water to 1 part coffee.
Step 3: Indulge. Don’t bother eating at home, the food won’t be greasy enough. Go to the nearest breakfast place. Ignore the baked goods. Get a bacon egg and cheese bagel sandwich. Eat half then see how you feel. Not about to vomit? Finish it.
Step 4: Don’t be lazy. If you cave and spend all day on your couch, you’ll still feel miserable at 6pm. Go to the gym or the pool or run errands. Get the blood flowing and you’ll feel normal in no time.

So you had plans to go to the beach and suddenly the house was full? Or no one remembered to tweet you about the cookout they were all going to? Fuck them. Make new friends. It’s the official start to SUMMER! Go to the closest rooftop bar and strike up a conversation with a stranger. Or finally talk to that girl you see in the elevator every day. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood when you have three months of sunshine ahead of you. So make new friends to replace the shitty ones that decided to plan the best holiday weekend ever without you.

Do not embarrass yourself with a grill full of Oscar Meyer hot dogs and a case of Bud Light. This is the kickoff to a summer of cookouts and parties. Don’t fuck it up. Here’s a list of 32 things you could cook. THIRTY-TWO. And what about drinks? Oh, what about these 50 summer cocktail recipes? Boom. Consider your cookout planned.

People always say “Don’t bring anything! Just bring yourself! Or maybe some drinks!”…Wrong. Don’t be that dick that shows up empty handed because you’re terrible at planning and you were already running late anyway and also you’re a dick. Bring a bottle of booze. Bulleit bourbon on the rocks is basically the perfect summer drink anyway. If you have time, bring some food too. Throw together a bacon-wrapped appetizer. There is never enough bacon.

Well, you have over a month to plan your 4th of July weekend. Try not to fuck that up, too.

Be safe out there kids. I’ll see you on Tuesday.

- Suzie Robb
@suzierobb

Sit at the bar.

Most restaurants have happy hour specials that are only available at the bar. Always, always sit at the bar. I cannot stress this enough. Even if you’re on a date, sit at the bar.

A friend of mine recently went to Jack Rose Dining Saloon on a date and when she realized that happy hour was just about to end, sending the drink prices soaring, she ordered two more drinks for herself. Too shy to do this? You shouldn’t be. This shows him a) you’re looking to party and b) you’re economical.

It’s not just about the drink specials. Even if it’s a Saturday night at 9pm, sit at the bar. You’ll get your drinks WAY faster. You do realize that a server has to ring up your drinks and wait for the bartender to make them AFTER he serves his guests, right? So don’t get your panties in a bunch if you sit at a table in a crowded restaurant and wait seven minutes for a fucking glass of Pinot Grigio. Sitting at the bar is simply cutting out the middle man.

And, by the way, bartenders know their shit. They depend on this income. They want you to have a great time, tip well, and come back often. No offense to servers, I love them dearly, but many don’t know the menu, don’t know the food, and definitely don’t know what new beers or cocktails are being offered. The bartender can tell you what keg they tapped that morning and which items on the menu are worth ordering based on quality, not price. They know you are going to have several drinks (hello, you’re sitting at the bar!) so they won’t just suggest the most expensive entrees to rack up the tab, like servers often do.

If you hate sitting at the bar, make reservations.

Reservations make your dining experience a million times easier. Not only will you know that your table will be ready the moment you arrive, but you can also make special requests. Have you ever used OpenTable? You should, if only for the special requests section. This isn’t there so you can be a dick and request asinine things. It’s there to make your experience better. Say you are going to dinner with someone that is gluten free. You can note that ahead of time so that the restaurant is aware. If it’s a quality place, the manager will let the server know before you even arrive, so they can help you with the menu. Is it a birthday? Put a note about that. Are you proposing? Oh, they’d love to know that! Special requests can lead to special treatment, if you play your cards right.

Planning in advance and making a rezzie also allows you to request seats that are in high demand. What do I mean? I mean, PATIOS PEOPLE! Everyone wants to sit outside, whether it be a patio or a rooftop, which means if you don’t make a reservation, you’ll be stuck waiting with the masses. Oh, no. Request an outdoor seat in advance and be sweet as pie about it. You’ll get to breeze past the line and head straight to the best seats in the house.

Note: if a restaurant doesn’t allow reservations, try to go during the less busy hours (before 6pm or after 8pm for dinner) and accept that you may have to sit at the bar and have a couple drinks before you can get a table.